Who am I?

I guess I am currently in the phase of searching for my identity, searching for meaning of life and even just understanding things from many perspective. There are many times when I have questions, but I chose not to ask because I was afraid I'll be judged. I hope I would step out of this fear and go ahead and ask. Because my worth is found in God, not in the opinion of others. I am so glad that I have so many angels in my life, popping questions that forces me to think about life. There is so much more I can do.. Let's start from now.. :)

Injustice

It breaks my heart to see my dearest friend being bullied, used and mentally+physically abused.

Bullied in the sense of having to cover colleagues' workload and completing her own work at the same time, yet, receiving only her own pay.

Used in the sense of knowing she was a helpful girl, they used words to make her stay in company to complete their undone work. Staying till as late as 12am? It sound ridiculous doesn't it?

Mentally + physically abused through all the bullying above, using words to make her feel that she has to do extra because of her incompetence when she was obviously doing more than what she can.


What is this? I deeply wonder how did the employer even have a good night sleep for mistreating someone like this for six months.


Lying to make her believe that that's the best pasture of grass she would ever find.



My heart hurts so much and yet I can't do anything much to help. Please God.. Show me how I can help.. And I want to show more patience and love as I lend her my pair of ears to lighten her burdens.

FP1 Trial Observation with Ema

Ended today pretty early because I started work at 7am. All the children were in their new year clothes!! All of them were looking so cute and makes me wanna squeeze their cheeks HAHAHA. 

Laoshi came up with the idea of having catwalk in class and all of them look so funny!! HAHA. Shared biscuits and cookies that all of them brought and they had a hard time eating lunch! HAHAH. Shirah received news that we would be having meeting at 1pm and hence they were on their mattress by 12pm+! HAHAH. SO EARLY. They usually lie down around 1pm+.. hahahah anw, because of the wrong info, Shirah suggested waking them earlier so that I could show Ema my interaction activity that I had planned. 

Guess what! Ema and Intan came over to K1 for their lunch and they bought ice-cream *SCREAMS* HAHAHAHA. The chocolate ice-cream tasted just nice and not too sweet! We then had a mini farewell for Tcr Azlin with the teachers and aunties at bay3 at 2.30pm. Initial plan was to wake them up at 2.30pm but we decided to join in the celebration and eat! EAT AGAIN. HAHA. 

After they were awake, I took over and I was feeling so nervous since it was the first time being supervised for my interactions with the kids!!! Thank God really that I had everything written down and somehow I was able to carry out and use the right words and rules with them! 

Good points: 

- Positive engagement 

~ Asking children to hold on even though children were calling for me HAHAHA. 

Gosh I can't forget that moment. I was talking to charlene or someone and this Kaitlynn wanted to show me her model... guess what she did! She kept calling Teacher Joy Teacher Joy nonstop!!! HAHAHAH. I was pretty amazed that she was patient enough to repeat for so long! HAHAHHA. But Ema said that I was patient to ask her to hold on too. HAHAHAH. 

- Laying rules and giving warnings

~V's table was pretty noisy as KH was unable to reach for the toys, but V was unhappy that he was unable to reach for the toys and started throwing toys. Quickly stopped him and explained to him and made him think in people's shoe. HAHAH. Positive interactions too! 

- Finding new toys to solve unexpected situation

~ I've always thought there were sufficient blocks for children but I was wrong today!!! It was not enough for 5 children! Quickly used another box of toys as substitute and even though I had to put them behind the shelves, I was able to move around all tables

- Allowing choices

~ Giving children choices after they are done with their work! HAHAHAHHA. That's a pretty good thing because they won't be around to disrupt the other children!!! 

- Recognising children's artwork

~ Constant praise and taking pictures for children

Things to improve: 

- Ensure sufficient materials

- Have better classroom management for transition because I just let them run off to the toilet. HAHAHAH. 

Ema said she thought it would be a challenge especially when I took all 15 children but she said I managed it well!! :) HAHAHA. PRESCHOOL TEACHER ARE FULL OF PRAISE EVEN WHEN YOU ACHEIVED A LITTLE THING! HAHAHAH. 

Because...

Little things are big things.. Big things are little things... ;) 

Demoralised.

I tried to help out Shirah for her motor skills lesson today but it didn't turn out as expected.


Half of the class that I handled were all over the place. Half of the kids I had weren't paying attention, some simply ignored my instructions and continued doing as they wish. Activities were able to carry out but it was all in a mess! :( Had to raise my voice and I felt so helpless during the lesson! :(


Times like this make me hesitant about being nice to the kiddos. Such thing wouldn't had happen if I drew the boundary with them.. Still............

Things to improve:
- Attention grabbers (11claps/ raising hands to show they're ready)
- Asking questions to allow children to participate
- Warnings to children
- Lower volume to grab children's attention
- Praise when children are paying attention/ following instructions


Things I've done well:
- Praises?!
- Activity got carried out
- Attention grabbers

Reasons why I'm fat

1) I eat when I am happy
2) I eat when I am sad
3) I eat when I am hungry
4) I am always hungry
5) I snack a lot throughout the day because I am hungry
6) I probably get by the day by eating




...


...


...




Yeah, that's why I'm fat. HAHAHA

Plants craze

Fittonia Nerve Plant 

- Requires to maintain humid-like conditions (Rain forest condition)

- Well drained moist soil, water moderately

- Flourish with bright, indirect light (Low light may cause plants to revert to green) 

- May lead to root rot if overwater 

- Pest (aphids, mealybugs and thrips) 

Spider Plant

- Well drained soil, too soggy would lead to root rot.
- Bright and indirect light
- Cooler temperature
- Occasional pruning

Mother-in-law's Tongue 

- High light/full sun is best to keep the foliage full 

- Low light, root may rot and turn mushy and smelly

- Water the soil only with room temperature water

Distanced.

Every now and then.. I would be surprised when I see my Y1S1 friends having gatherings or even birthday celebration. It was not once nor twice, it was way more than that. The first thought that came to my mind was, "Woah? There's bday surprise?" and reading through their messages about how thankful they are for each other and staying around after so long.. And I wonder why they did not even bother dropping a message to ask. So I came to a conclusion that...


1) We have different mindset.
 - By "we", I meant Huixia and me? HAHAHA. Okay maybe just me. We don't meet up to chill by going for liquor, cigarettes, shisha and whatever that damages our body. And I definitely disliked the idea of "social smoke". LOL. Socialising through smoking. Sure you're socialising, and you're also damaging the body that God gave to you. You can't even love yourself, what more loving others..

- The amount of vulgarities........... For our body is the holy temple..... It's not a norm....


Can't think of any more things that set us apart.. I thought we could still stay in contact at least with Weehaw?


Well, life moves on any way. hahahahaha

Graduate lo!

Sadly.. I'm switching to dayre. HAHAHAH. Blogger. You have served me well. But I'm moving on :) because the stickers are so cute there!!!!!

https://dayre.me/yanhuan 

Public Holiday ;)

HAHAHA. Being exceptionally happy n looking forward because this wonderful Friday is the first Labour day that I have looked forward to so much after so many years :)

Also, gonna start my induction programme next week which means I'll be away from the kids. Really looking forward to starting the course so that I can learn more about the kids. HAHA.

Graduation ceremony is on the following Friday :) which means a day less of induction but I hope I won't miss a lot of impt things....... HAHA.

Probably the reason why I love God so much because He knows exactly how much I want and need everything.

Had fever on last Friday night, hope I'll recover from this sore throat asap!!!!

Down

The weather is being extreme.. Hot in the morning n cold in the late afternoon.. And the usual weak Huan fell sick.. I've been missing Jason so much ever since I started work.. I enjoy my time in childcare.. But everyday I dread at the thought of not being able to see him as and when I want.. Or even knowing that both of us are worn out but still wanting to meet.. I miss you..

TT D4

4th day of work and this is surely a job filled with high n low. HAHAHA. The emotions you portray to the kids can be as quick as... Speed of light?!! HAHAH. Surely I realised I can be patient. HAHAHA. The cuteness n innocence of the kids melt your heart instantly.. HAHAH.

Alrightttt. Back to the reason why I'm here........... Many ppl always have that God doesn't speak to me experience.. No dreams, no sound, no bright light or smth. But let's think about it, if the rs with God distant, who would be the one who wavered? Definitely not God.

Okay next. Beside the rs with God........ What would be the ways that He would speak to you? Other than having dreams, vision and hearing God.. These two are the most impt n yet always neglected..

- People, any human being!!
- Nature, cmon, that's His creation.
- Everything, books, sermons, words.

God yearns for everyone.. And He is speaking to each n everyone.. Imagine how disappointed you would be when u keep communicating and yet they couldn't even see you or understand you..

Time of the month

Probably it seemed like many bad things are happening to me cuz I'm having the damn stomach cramps again. But I felt much relived and happy for the wisdom tooth surgery.. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, I just have to be careful when brushing teeth.

Anddddd. I'm having the usual stomach cramps :( It isn't as pain as the past two months but the pain is there and is enough to make me feel extremely frustrated when mum walked up and down the shopping twice just to get something that is worth $20 and ended the cashier missed out one towel n we gotta pay for some amount. Everything was annoying. No matter how gentle or fierce or whatever u did to me. I can't help being sarcastic n the tone of voice was really annoying. And sometimes I get annoyed at myself for being annoying. HAHAHA. But tell me how to smile at u when I'm feeling all weak n pain and you want me to walk everywhere aimlessly?

HAHAHA. Ohwell. Looked back at my photos on the day when I had my menses for first day. I looked like I was dying. HAHAHA. Like pale n weak. Well I felt like dying too. I rmbed I was on the verge of fainting when we walked under the bright hot sun.

Probably I shld just hide myself in mountain n ignore what everyone says when I'm in pain.. I say nothing healthy..

Wisdom tooth extraction SURGERY O_O

LADIES GENTLEMAN XIAO JIE XIAO DI EVERYBODY.

I had the first experience of knife on me today!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Okay it's just what the title says, wisdom tooth extraction surgery. 

It wasn't a very good experience for me.. someone who has zero tolerance for pain probably due to the millions sensitive receptors for pain in me…….. I was brave enough to tolerate the pain for so long because the thought of having needle in my gum was.. unbearable. HAHA. It was until Thurs? Or Fri? when the pain got so bad and I could see my cheeks swell on the right. HAHA. Chubby huan looks cuter! On the right only though.. HAHAH. I was on the verge of crying because of the pain.. okay maybe I cried a lil. 

So……. dearest Jason asked me to just remove the source of pain.. and I braced myself for the extraction.. but I didn't braced myself for the expenses. HAHAHAH. It was a damn 1.2k SGD for this tooth removal. I guess I didn't felt any pain the moment I heard the price.. HAHAHAH. SO…. mum brought me back to JB for the extraction.. and it costed 800ringgit for everything! :) You get to divide by 2.6times if you wanna calculate in SGD ya. HAHAH. Alright so it's 307.692308 SGD incase you're trying to calculate. Woah. HAHAHAH. Well, you had other things to do with this price too….. like… traveling thru the custom, traveling to the dental clinic, traveling back to custom and back home.. 

The thing that strikes me most was.. not the money.. it was the pain.. the amount of pain from that surgery…… They gave me anesthetic.. the whole process of waiting to feel numb was some tinkling sensation in the mouth.. then it was kinda weird sensation touching my lips and chin through my fingers only.. and half of my mouth and tongue was numbed. HAHAHA. I could only feel on my left tongue. HAHAHA. Okay that's not the point. Was called in after 40mins because that's the time taken for numbing.. waited quite a while and hey. I spoke malay to the aunty. HAHAHA. Then she spoke a whole sentence of malay leaving me smiling at there politely because I understood nothing. HAHAHA.

Then the time came… the dentist came and started doing all sorts of things to my tooth.. There was a point of time where I was literally shaking and told myself everything would be fine and I'll get over it but the tears can't seem to contain themselves.. I wonder how do ppl resist their tears when in pain.. I felt like I was in hell or I wouldn't even survive.. I could feel my lips shivering and tears flowing down when they stopped to prepare for the removal of the other tooth. HAHAH. Damnnn. The dentist was nice because I guess she tried to calm me down by humming some soothing tune.. HAHAHHA. I tried but I can'tttttt. HAHAHA. Cried when I left the room because the pain was just too much to handle.. My whole mind was telling me not to give birth anymore because I'll be crying and not be able to handle the pain of childbirth..

I was being whiney and frustrated because of the pain on the way back home.. Had a nap when I reached home and slowly the pain subsided.. Now the pain is gone and just some swelling.. Everyone thought I have cotton in my mouth.. HAHAHA. Ohwell.. Thinking back right now.. There's nothing much about the pain.. but when you were experiencing it.. OHMYGOSH I CANT HANDLE IT. HAHAHA.



Now I just pray that I don't have to visit the dentist any sooner… Why do ppl have to pay for dentist and get tortured by them……… but the pain will haunt you… urghhhh. Can dentist be more gentle? or can there be surgeries without pain? HAHAHAHHA. gosh. I've never been so afraid of dentist my whole life. HAHAHHA. 

Feeling sickish because I've been dehydrated these few days esp today.. Yet I'm unable to sleep at this hour even with this headache n heaty feet.. Those thoughts keep running, no they don't run, they fill my mind. As though it's a bottomless pit. Suddenly it seemed like everything would be alright with all the possible thing happening.. I'm so thankful for the allocation.. It's so near.. And I really wish I could just run away.. Do you understand? Let's pray that I'll be fit for lesson tmr.. This headache n heat inside me is no joke..

Today's outing to gbb was ridiculous. The guys were extremely late and everyone was famished. The last point was the most infuriating because I had to eat smth when we could have eaten smth much more satisfying. I could have viewed this positively because I got to catch up with the girls and I admit had a good time tgt. But. What are words if you never mean them when you say them? One does not simply be late for 2 hours without informing. Do you know that's a very selfish act?

The reason why I still keep this blog because I thought that friends would be able to access here and know what I'm doing.

Happiness

Always blogging about happiness because at this moment…. I AM LITERALLY OVER THE MOON. HAHAHA. GUYS DO U GET IT?! NO? HAHA. I COULD HARDLY CONTAIN MY JOY. IT WAS AS IF A SMILE WAS PLASTERED ON MY FACE. I'M SATURATED WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS AND LOVE. THIS HAPPINESS WAS AS IF I COULD LIGHT UP THE NIGHT. HAHAHHA.

Okay, I just googled on phrases to describe people who are happy. HAHAHA.


Felt the need to blog tonight because… gosh. I always forget what I wanna blog and always filled with unexpected emotions whenever I'm blogging. Sometimes I'll just type a whole sentence of complains or negative description and erase it off. Sometimes I'll just be filled with this happiness as I recall the things I've done for the day or week.

HAHAHA. SOOOOO. UPDATES ON MY LIFE. AHAHAH.



I think I haven't share it here..
I'm starting to work in childcare on 13April, the following Monday.
I've been accepted to this program which sponsors for my diploma while I work and study in early childhood. Legendary childcare teacher guys. HAHAHAHA.
Is that something unexpected? It's a job that was recommended for me when I took some career quizzes in secondary school. Childcare Principal. HAHAHA. Can't believe it's happening right now though I've believed and it's happening. YOU GET IT?!?!?! HAHAHA.
Everything was smooth sailing and I can't thank God enough for that :)
I'll do my best and perform to God's standard and qualities after God's heart.
SO. HAHAHA. Many people told me I was suitable for this job.
Salary isn't that high for this job but you will get through. It's hard work and you have to deal with many things. And I happily accepted this job because I felt the importance of teaching the kids at this age and I really enjoyed it after the day at the childcare centre. :) hehe.
Thank You for this love.

"Seek and you will find, ask and it will be given"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm sadistic because in the midst of low point of my life, I'll always feel happy. Because I know that it'll be a story that I could tell others about how much God loves us.

Passing of Mr Lee Kuan Yew

Taken from Facebook of Remembering of Lee Kuan Yew page

Penning all these thoughts down so that I'll be reminded of this great person and not giving up even when faced with all the tsunamis and earthquake that could happen to me.

The atmosphere of all the social media was unusual this morning. It was flooded with news of the passing of MM Lee Kuan Yew, everyone was sharing the news, writing long paragraphs of how MM Lee had built up and how thankful everyone is. It was comforting seeing how everyone came together not only as a nation, but all over the world to send their condolences and support.

Stumbled upon the video which PM Lee addressed to the nation in Malay, Chinese and English. He spoke perfectly for all three languages, which again proved that nothing is ever too difficult. It just the matter of time and effort. He started off in Malay which didn't really affect me as I couldn't really understand. What broke my heart was when he started giving the speech in Chinese. You could see the sadness in his eyes and the momentary pauses while trying to hold back his tears. MM Lee's passing affected even the people of this nation, what's more to his son and family members.

I can't thank God enough for MM Lee, for making policies that were good for his people rather than popular in his people. Such policies led Singapore to be in the top 10 safest country in the world, literally food heaven everywhere in Singapore, advanced healthcare and recognised education for this nation. As such, access to water from the tap seemed like a norm where I did not even know that people from other countries does not have such privileges until older. I'm truly blessed to grow up in this country, to be able to learn and be exposed to so many different types of food, sports, music, to have the luxury of even choosing the type of job and being able to afford the different type of sports shoe, instrument, clothings and food that I want, and even travelling to many different countries at this age less than 20.


We grow up, we grow old. We live, we die.
It is part and parcel of life.
But how we live our life, is all dependent on us.



"Softly in the morning, 
you heard a gentle call, 
you took the hand God offered you, 
and quiet left us all." 

God's presence

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.

Psalms 46:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Matthew 7:7
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you.

Psalms 23:4
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

Psalms 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


Lastly, a verse that I've always held close to my heart back then when I was struggling..


Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.


Peace is not the absence of conflicts, but the presence of God.
The overflowing amount of love every time when we sing praises, look on to nature, thinking about God and even just speaking to Him. The amount of peace and unspeakable joy is overwhelming because we are experiencing God's presence, God's masterpiece, God's creation and God's everlasting love.

Perfection

2 Peter 1:5 

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge;

Making every effort, every minute, every reason to learn, to love, to care. Striving for perfection.

Proverbs 16:28

A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends

How true is this.

Proverbs 12:18

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Either it hurts like sword thrusts or it brings healing.